Saturday, May 14

These Are The Directors You Want For ‘Fast X’

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Photo: Robyn BeckAFP (Getty Images)

Michael Bay, obviously.

Because suddenly all the cars are Transformers, and everyone ends up in SPACE fighting Decepticons.

And then towards the end, Toretto performs a Hero Sacrifice, saves the universe, but also somehow infused with some weird alien technology, so while we all think he’s dead, he’s not, and ends up going through the wormhole created to send Megatron back across the universe.

500 years later, the broken ship he was on crash lands on a mysterious planet, and the human-like aliens that live there find Toretto in the wreckage behind the wheel of a ‘69 Charger.

And when one of the aliens asks who this man is, they wipe the dirt from his fancy space suit. His name badge, which once said “TORETTO, DOMINIC”, now badly faded, reads only “R…D..IC”. The universal translatorused to scan the badge beeps, and the alien reads it aloud.

“Ri…Riddick.”

Roll credits.

Aside from dbeach84’s incredible crossover plot, there’s a harsh truth here: You don’t want Michael Bay to make a Fast and Furious movie. You might think it works, but it doesn’t. Here’s why, in long form.

Bay is, undeniably, the best at what he does. No other filmmaker currently working could recreate Bay’s style, with any amount of studio money behind them — they don’t have his eye, his sense of chaos, motion and kinetic filmmaking that makes his work stand out.

But Bay is also cruel towards his characters. There’s a sense of something between juvenile humor and outright nihilism that runs through his movies, and that stands in stark contrast to the Fast Saga’s hokey-but-earnest message of family. That sort of strong, core emotion, memeworthy though it may be, would be a wild tone shift for Bay. Trust me, you don’t want him running Fast X.

Submitted by: dbeach84

Reference-jalopnik.com

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