Monday, May 23

‘Fast10 Your Seatbelts’ Was Right There

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The saga that brought you 2 Fast 2 Furious and F8 of the Furious has forsaken its ability to give us pun-filled names. The 10th edition of the Fast and Furious franchise has been named Fast X, and folks, I am heartbroken because Fast10 Your Seatbelts was right there.

The worst part is that the tweet announcement for the film’s production even uses the phrase “fasten your seatbelts.” It’s like they knew what they could have done and simply taunted us with our failed dreams, anyway.

I am not alone in this pain. A quick consultation of the post’s quote tweets shows other people lamenting the loss of “fasTEN” your seatbelts — including fellow auto journalist and noted man of taste Daniel Golson.

Vin Diesel has really been the man in charge of the releases. Last week, he confirmed that Brie Larson will be joining the cast. Though he didn’t specify her role, he said, “You have no idea how timeless and amazing she will be in our mythology. Beyond her beauty, her intellect… her Oscar, haha is this profound soul who will add something you might not have expected but yearned for. Welcome to the family Brie.”

Other big-name stars are slated to make their appearance in the upcoming films, including Daniela Melichor (The Suicide Squad) and Jason Momoa (Aquaman).

Fast X is going to be the first of a two-part finale for the Fast and Furious franchise, and barring any delays, it’s slated to hit theaters next year, on May 19, 2023. The next film should be coming out a year after that, since both films are being filmed back to back.

Will I be able to recover from this terrible naming slight in time to see the film in theaters? I simply don’t know. Only time will tell.

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